Disclaimer: The author takes no responsibility for any consequences that result from following the advice listed below.
If there is one aspect of my high school life that I consider a complete failure, it is my love life. Every typical mistake a high schooler could make in a relationship, I’ve made them all, and although I failed to learn my lessons the first time, maybe I can serve as a warning to other students looking to fulfill their relationship dreams. Four years of romantic misadventures later, I’ve had more than enough experience to write my own version of “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.”
Right off the bat, you assume that going to the same school is practically a necessity. (How many high school rom-coms have you seen where the main characters go to different schools?) But you couldn’t be more wrong. The convenience that comes with seeing each other almost every day is often heavily overshadowed by the rumors and gossip, as well as the complications of taking on each others’ past mistakes and burdens. And eventually, if you end up going your separate ways, every single one of their friends transforms into a hater. (You might even hate yourself if you heard their version of how things went down!) One year into high school, I vowed to never get involved with someone at school again. Of course, I didn’t end up abiding by that, and — surprise! — it only got worse.
Another mistake that I made countless times was trying to be upfront with my feelings. If you think that having the maturity and ability to express your emotions would make it easier to approach a relationship, think again. I refused to admit that my directness wasn’t working because I didn’t want to resort to mind games like playing hard-to-get and intentionally leaving people on “delivered.” But after having a three-month talking stage laugh in my face when I suggested we go to Homecoming together, I realized that it was time to give up on trying to develop genuine connections with men. (Unfortunately, this realization did not prevent me from being hurt multiple times in the future, because I never truly stopped expecting authenticity.)
Similarly, only reciprocate the energy that you receive. Never think that the other person will acknowledge and appreciate grand gestures of appreciation and end up doing something in return. I finally woke up when the response I received to a lighthearted Homecoming proposal was “…” and nothing else. My junior-year Homecoming night was completely ruined, but I never stayed up all night making origami roses for another undeserving man who is unable to accept my love languages. (No, this was not the first time something like this had happened, but thankfully, it was the last.)
While there are always exceptions, the truth is that you will rarely find yourself a part of the 2% of high school relationships that make it out intact. But even if we don’t find our soulmates through these experiences, we gain invaluable knowledge about ourselves and how to work through difficult situations. Only by experiencing all these romantic catastrophes was I able to understand my preferences and habits and how they affect the people around me.
Your ex is most definitely not your soulmate, but believe it or not, they’re still a step in the right direction. They gave you the opportunity to explore yourself emotionally and introduced you to new relationship struggles that you maneuvered through. High school students often feel pressure to be in a relationship like seemingly everyone around them, but good things come in their own time. While you should learn from your past experiences, never let them taint your perception of love and what you deserve.
