9:00 a.m. Everyone eats breakfast in front of a zoom screen. 

9:30 a.m. I stick my head into my brother’s APUSH zoom room.

10:00 a.m. I watch my siblings giggle in front of a blue screen, wondering why Korean dramas are the newfound quarantine obsession.

10:30 a.m. We all hunt for a snack – including my younger sister, who clearly should be in class

Every day was the same. Every week was calm and expected, and it seemed like our peaceful, routine and predictable days would last forever. 

My siblings and I are within four years of each other and all grew up living the same lives —  traveling to the same places, having the same teachers year after year and trying new foods together. Regardless of summer camps, school or traveling for sports — there was never a need to ever say goodbye. 

Being forced to hang out with people that you can’t get away from isn’t always fun: we argued over silly, trivial problems like deciding where to go out for dinner, comparing who had the better toys, or fighting over who would get to use the only computer in the house. The never-ending arguments seemed like they would drag on forever. 

As annoying as having siblings is, the “forced” friendship is simply unmatched by any other: sending really dumb texts and videos to each other, open gossip, roasting each other without holding back, and really just being able to just shout out for help when I needed it. 

After returning to in-person activities after quarantine, I found that my siblings and I were always rushing in and out of the house. Days became more chaotic and unexpected, but at least I still had a bit of to catch up with the school day’s gossip with them.

With my brother at college, the other half of the work table and the never-ending jokes have disappeared — the sunroom always feels like it’s missing something. Conversations that we would have used to have almost every minute quickly turned into short weekly phone calls. When I want to talk to my brother, I try to text it only to remember I won’t be able to see his reaction. I am grateful for the weekends and breaks when our family of five can meet back together and the house, finally lively again with the voices of my siblings echoing happily throughout; still, those days are limited as we all need to continue on with our lives. 

Soon I will graduate and leave home too, and I’m anxious and a little saddened that these months will be the last time I’ll be able to simply just chatter away with my siblings while doing homework or stick my hand out when someone opens a chip bag. Even if I decide to go visit home while in college, the childhood sibling moments just won’t feel the same.

Part of me just doesn’t want to let go of the “us three” childhood life, but that’s not realistic. When all 3 of us are at home together during the holidays, I just sit and think about how lucky am I to have a close and strong relationship with my siblings, one that is hard to say goodbye to. Regardless, I would never want to spend the last days before the oldest sibling has to leave for college sad — I’ll enjoy it like usual, like the life we had shared for the past 18 years.

The last days of my seemingly never-ending childhood with both siblings have slipped past without me noticing it. I just wish that I could have another day with the three of us hunting around the kitchen for a snack in between online classes, but nothing lasts forever. For now, I’ll look back and appreciate the good times I had with my siblings as I start a new chapter in my life.